Humour
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Humour

altough that can be a matter of opinion!

A few unrelated items (other than my warped sense of humour)

The image opposite shows my mate Andy's Somesort of Stik" after the top covering of one wing panel came off in flight. Amazingly he managed to carry out a controlled landing, albeit a bit rough, and only lost the U/C bolts in the rough just off the edge of the patch. Not only is it incredible that it kept flying, but that the Profilm 'ripped' down two edges. Anybody who has used Profilm knows how tough it is. As this happened to anybody else and the model been landed OK?

Want to see some amazing images of planes landing?

 

Follow this link to Planes at St Martins

 

Some full size humour: that is models so big that the only way to control them is to sit in them and waggle the controls manually (are they mad or what!).

 

Then again some people forget that the starter

controls are in the cabin!!

 

From New Scientist Dec 2000 'Feedback' - I haven't been able to track down the original source and find the rest of the jokes.

 

DO YOU find it comforting to know that pilots crack jokes about plane crashes? We're not quite sure, but it seems they do. For example, a recent issue of Australian Aviation magazine listed two dozen tongue-in-cheek "Rules of the Air". We don't have space for all of them, but here is just a taster.

  • Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
  • If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
  • It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
  • The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can watch the pilot sweating.
  • When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
  • If all you can see out of the window  is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all they should be.
  • Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take-offs you've made.
  • In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium travelling at hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going at zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

 

Get them started early. No1 grandaughter less than impressed with the model I'm offering her.

 

"Why can't I fly the big red and white one Grandad?"

 

Canonical List of things that can make your plane go BUMP! Those that have a direct resonance with my own experience are in bold.

  • Two objects attempting to occupy the same space at the same time.
  • Having your battery fall out at 500'! (well probably only 200' in my case)
  • Fly inverted, full throttle, east to west at dusk. Lose plane in sun, decide to "get out of there in a hurry" and pull about 1/2 up elevator. Instant Bang, More-Instant Silence!
  • Balsa magnets, cleverly concealed underneath the only boulder in the middle of a large field used for thermal soaring.
  • Attempting to correct a loss of power on take-off by applying up elevator.
  • Forgetting to change model selector on PCM 10 when swapping between two models.
  • Things on the aircraft that unoccupy the space they're supposed to occupy (wings/tail coming off, servos coming loose, etc.).
  • Cerebral neurons occupied by other things while flying (or maybe unoccupied).
  • It couldn't have been the batteries, I recharged them just last month.
  • What do you mean, how many rubber bands did I use? I used two, one on each side.
  • It doesn't mean a thing if it ain't got that wing.
  • When did that tree grow so tall?
  • What do you mean, you're on channel 13? I'm on channel 13!!
  • Having your kid stand in front of the Stab to hold your plane while checking the engine and not putting the bolts on the removable tail feathers.
  • Not bothering to extend the transmitter's aerial prior to take-off.
  • Not bothering to check ailerons operate as standard i.e. stick right right aileron up (see X-fire!)
  • I flew next to a pond like that? What gives? Radio reflections? That damned pond kept eating my plane!
  • The only surveyor's marker stake in the same field...
  • Have your instructor say, "Oh, gee! Iíll be right back... keep flying till then", on your second flight.
  • Meeting the edge of the wide open door of a VW Bug with the right wing of a sailplane at the fuse.... Then ...meeting the same edge of the same door of the same VW Bug with the right tail feathers!
  • Having your wings fold when pulling out of a dive...
  • Having the prop throw a blade on a VERY fast plane, at full speed and not very high.
  • Pulling out of a dive while inverted 10 feet above a tarmac runway..
  • Quick connects on flying surfaces. I only ever use these on throttle links - funny but they alwas come off with the throttle on full power!
  • Quick growing trees that reach up and grab your craft out of the sky.
  • Telephone wires that are too far away to be concerned about.
  • Having a nut loose on the end of the stick...
  • Attempting to demonstrate a fun fly event immediately after saying "And now I'll show you how it's done!"
  • Somebody else pre-flighting their £50 2-axis ARTF on your channel!!
  • Rubber banding the wings on offset so far that the aileron servo and linkages are outside the fuse.... Courtesy of my dad with his trainer.
  • A sudden 6-Foot ground swell. or in my case moving to a new site at the bottom of the hill and flying the model into the ground..... I used to go that low before!!!!!
  • The camouflage on your new Focke-wolf 190 works just a little too well on a cloudy day.
  • An old Cub designed for a .049 with a .60 in it.
  • Two good pilots on dual transmitters for training, teacher switching off master tx. (It happened during test of new club trainer).
  • 'Just one more flight before I go home! ...............Never ever say this - it is fatal!
  • Pylon Poles...on final. 'nuf said!!!
  • Not knowing the difference between rough idling on your new 4-stroke and loose motor mount bolts on your new 4-stroke (still looking for my new 4-stroke in the area where it was last attached to my plane)
  • Run out of gas while you instructor tells you "You had better come back, you're out over route1".
  • Trying to do a Star Wars move through a forest.
  • Those wires they put in the middle of nowhere, like the town really needs electricity!

This is my favourite model magazine cover.

 

Not because I am into large soarers...O no! Its because I am intrigued by what must have led up to this photo.

 

"OK darling - just take your skirt off"

 

"No of course nobody will see your knickers - the model will cover them"

 

The magazine says of this cover shot

 

"Tony Baker photographed this 4.5 metre DG-202 with one of the 'New Images' models. South Coast soarers must have plenty to go flying for"

 

Talk about getting your priorities wrong. I love flying but there are some things I like even more!

 

Check out the hot spot on the image.

 

Lessons in Modelling

 

Lesson 1: Don't try to catch a model that has just been dislodged from a tree. The chances are the sharp bits up front will try to slice a finger off.

 

Lesson 2: Don't believe the trainee foreign doctor who says that a couple of quick stitches without anaesthetic will be less painful than the needle jab for the anaesthetic.

 

Lesson 3: Try to avoid the student nurse who has just learnt the mystic art of 'slings' and applies it to every wound dressing she can

 

Lesson 4: Don't pose pose for the camera with a stupid expression on your face.

Lesson_tn.jpg (4814 bytes)

 

A cartoon I drew that was turned down by the various modelling magazines (why?).

This is supposed to be a genuine letter passed to a Quantas flight attendant by a sweet little 8 year old girl on her first flight

Latest in : Will Hell freeze over? for an answer to this question follow the link..

 

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